I’ve been told since I was a child that there’s seldomly anyone that you can completely trust. The saddest thing about that in my experience is that it has often been those that are the closest to me that I have given countless opportunities to disappoint me the most and who have broken my trust in indescribable ways. How can one even learn how to trust if all they’ve ever been told and shown is not to trust in anyone?

The Lord has a way of working with our embedded or self-inflicted myths by showing us the opposite of what we experience with people – especially those we love. I would say that it is not wise to make it a practice of putting 100% of your faith or trust in any one person. Just like you, they are human and prone to error, mistakes, bad judgement and disappointing acts. However, Christ presents us with opportunities to trust Him instead, and shows us why it is always possible with Him.

Within a year, I’ve had two brain surgeries. I had a rare condition that caused cerebral spinal fluid to leak from my brain through my nose. When I found out what it was, I also found that it was the culprit of so many more illnesses that incessantly plagued my body and kept me sick. I was at the height of my career in business and management vocationally and in pulpit ministry as the Senior Pastor of a wonderful church, going into my eighth year. The danger that I was in with this illness – given I was at increased risk for meningitis and other life-threatening complications as well as growing pressures from my professional obligations – completely ripped me from my career life by the need to have an emergency brain surgery followed by a grueling recovery. Whew!

I immediately questioned God, as I thought I was being punished. There were many things that I was already feeling guilty over, struggling with, and being my own judge, jury, and executioner about before the Holy Spirit could even say, “it is finished” concerning me. I felt that incessant illness was my curse. Losing my professional career statuses vocationally and spiritually was the nail in my coffin. How could I ever get up from that? How could I ever catch up to where I was; or better yet, exceed that level to where I was aspiring to be? This happened as I watched everyone around me soar professionally and spiritually. Just like that, I was left behind, and I was deeply and darkly depressed. There was no one around me that I felt comfortable enough to fully unload 100% of this burden upon. I didn’t even trust myself with it.

Then I remembered that the Lord sent me a dream before I was diagnosed with this rare condition and showed me that an adversity like I had never seen before was looming. He showed me something would forcefully knock me down harder than I’ve ever fell. But, He gave me peace in that dream; and somehow, I knew that I would be able to get up. I was reminded of Jesus’ words to the disciples when He said, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.” (John 16:33 NIV)

When I came out of the first surgery, the Lord instructed me to launch my own company from my sick bed, and sent me the clientele to get it going. All of them could be assisted by colleagues I knew in the industry, so I had help even though I couldn’t move. Then, He led me to go back to school to get my doctorate degree in ministry a few months later. I did NOT have one single plan on returning to graduate school. However, the way that it was presented to me let me know exactly who brought it to my feet. So I returned, even though I didn’t necessarily want to. It was the best decision I could have made at the time. I thought everything was going good. The worst was behind me right? WRONG!

The leak returned at the beginning of this year. This time, it came back exponentially worse. I had lost an incredibly frightening amount of brain fluid – seemed like quarts of it; and, this time it affected my motor capabilities. My ability to walk, speak, and function normally were all impacted. I had in-home therapy for months; went from a walker to a cane for months more before I could walk unassisted again; and, I am still going to balance therapy to this day. I suffer from migraine headaches daily. I literally don’t miss a day. I have become accustomed to them now and have built a tolerance to the pain unless they are much more intense from some external factor. I’m still in treatment to resolve this as well.

My health challenges finally shook hands with my financial challenges when the flood gates of business that came last year after the first surgery suddenly dried up this year to a slow drip! Add that to recuperating slowly for the better part of the year, and you have financial disaster. The months passed and the savings dwindled. I couldn’t pour 100% of my troubles in the ears of others because everyone was dealing with problems of their own. So, again I found myself looking to God. What am I supposed to do? As the bills began to stack on top of each other with no way to pay them, I wondered, how am I supposed to live? Just today, tears welled up in my eyes, and the migraine started to flare. Then… I thought of this: “The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside the still waters; he restores my soul.” (Psalm 23:1-3 NRSV)

In the face of the the mountain of bills in my mind, I remembered the Lord. I reached for a devotional that I glanced at this morning. This morning, I read an entry on Depression. I tried to turn back to that same page. Instead, the page fell on an entry entitled, “Sustenance”. And then I saw my scripture. The 23rd Psalm was the first Scripture I learned, the one my grandmother taught me to memorize because I would need it. I needed it today. God reminded me that this was not an opportunity for depression, but an opportunity for trust. There is not one time in my life where God has not sustained me or my children. There is not one travesty that I’ve endured that I can look back upon and say that God left me hanging. The Lord has always been my Shepherd. And where there was pain, pressure, or poverty, there was also an alternate route to peace, provision, and prosperity. I just had to be willing to veer to the right.

If you ask, God will intentionally surround you with well-intentioned people along your journey. There will also be friends and family in your life who love you for real – good, bad, and ugly – and will be honest, supportive, and dependable when you need it. Some are blessed to have more people like this in their lives than others. However, they are not there to meet the demand of your expectations; to understand the fullness of what you go through daily or why; or to have the privilege of being bestowed with 100% of your trust. It will almost always lead to disappointment, as we are incapable of protecting each other’s trust in the way that Christ can and will. Therefore, He gives us opportunities to place 100% of that trust, that burden, that need, or that desire in Him with the many trials of life that we face and are incapable of solving by ourselves. It only requires our faith and action. Go forward. Keep moving. Keep forcing yourself up and out of bed – something just might happen for you that day. Keep living. Keep striving. One day at a time will become one accomplished goal at a time; one triumph at a time; one mountain at a time; one breakthrough at a time – until you can see yourself transform beyond a Spirit of doubt and into a Spirit of peace that allows you to lie down beside green pastures to witness and experience the restoration of your soul.

What opportunities has Christ given you to trust Him today? Take three deep breaths. Exhale anxiety and inhale peace. The Lord is your Shepherd, and He will take care of you.